This Too Shall Pass

weekly weigh-in

2009-12-14T19:50:08Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 156.4
Current Weight: 155.4
Loss for the week: -1
Total loss so far: 89.6

Still pretty much stalled. I've lost a pound since last week, sure, but the scale continues to bounce all over the place, so that number can't be trusted. I think the key is to add back more cardio to help the new muscle burn the fat. Trouble is finding the time; I am working out more than ever, it seems.

We're in week 4 of P90X, which is allegedly a rest week. Today I did the Core Synergistics workout for the first time. Let me be the first to tell you: this is not a rest workout! Oh my goodness, I have never been this sore. The push-ups in this thing are torture. Torture! I can feel myself getting stronger every day, but man, this workout kicked my ass.

Still, I continue to enjoy the program. I figure I will continue to build muscle and eat nutritious food, and eventually the weight has to budge. And even if it doesn't, I have never been in better shape. If I live through the next two months I will be solid muscle under the flab.

weekly weigh-in

2009-12-08T00:01:07Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 153.2
Current Weight: 156.4
Loss for the week: +3.2
Total loss so far: 88.6

You guys. YOU GUYS. I had my period and afterwards there is generally a little whoosh of weight loss, right? Not this time! Surprise, I am up three pounds!

I don't even know. I mean, I haven't been perfect by any means, but I haven't been binging or anything. I've been stuck in the 150s since October, and I was really hoping that this week would see my inching back toward the 140s. But no, I appear to be well and truly stuck in (yet another) plateau. It's 30 pounds since the last one, so I should have seen it coming. I guess I convinced myself that it wouldn't happen this time for some reason.

I am sticking with the P90X program, which means I am building muscle, sure, but I haven't gained three pounds of muscle. I guess the only thing I can do is keep working out and cut my calories some more. I'm starving all the time because of the increased activity, but I will just have to get used to it. I've done it before, I can do it again. I'd love to say my clothes are fitting better and I'm sure I'm losing inches thanks to the lifting, but the truth is I feel *bigger*, especially in my stomach and arms. Those are my two worst problem areas, so I sort of feel like crying from frustration. But I won't. Instead I will keep pushing forward and hope for a breakthrough. I'll let you know how it goes.

weekly weigh-in

2009-11-23T21:13:42Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 151.4
Current Weight: 153.2
Loss for the week: +1.8
Total loss so far: 91.8

Here's something I decided to do and then forgot to mention here: take a scale break. I was under a ton of stress at the end of last month and started gaining back like crazy, which was in turn making me kind of mental, so I thought it would be in my best interest to stop obsessing about numbers for awhile.

Unfortunately the end result was that I used my scale break as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. You can probably imagine how much more weight I gained than is reflected here. (Six pounds, all told.) So now I am on the way back down, and I'm feeling much better. Part of that is getting the sugar back out of my diet, and part of it is just getting back in control of my reactions to stress. It kind of sucks to feel completely out of control!

Another new development this week is that my sister and I have started a new fitness regime: P90X from Beachbody (the people who brought us Turbo Jam). It's intense, to say the least. I'm enjoying it so far, though, which is kind of bizarre, but nice. I'm also pretty hungry after doing my first cardio session this morning, but I'm working on controlling my calorie intake regardless.

Hopefully between my diet and this new workout program I will finally get below 150 and stay there. I better. The ab workout alone, you guys. It's only 15 minutes and I can barely do any of it. It's horrible, but I'll do it every day if I can get the results other people have gotten. Here's an example of one woman's before and after pictures halfway through the (90 day) program. Her stomach! And look how much smaller her ass is! I realize it's unbelievable to think she did all that in six weeks, but after having done a couple of the workouts, I don't doubt it for a second.

Anyway, I'll keep you posted on our progress.

Another new thing I'm doing is taking melatonin, which is supposed to help with my sleep cycles. I still woke up a bunch of times last night, but I'm not exhausted during the day, so maybe it's helping. I suspect it's definitely helping with my mood, which is a very nice side affect, though cutting out sugar helps a lot with that as well.

weekly weigh-in

2009-10-28T19:54:08Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 151.8
Current Weight: 151.4
Loss for the week: -.4
Total loss so far: 93.6

Okay, so I am two days late. I'm cheating and using today's weight, since Monday's was up (152.2). But here's the confusing thing: I think my period just started again. Two weeks after it stopped. If I am experiencing perimenopause I will flip. I say that with all sincerity. Could be stress, I suppose. My body is pretty out of whack these days. At any rate, I suppose my weight being up could be attributed to water retention from my surprise period.

Speaking of which, I think I have somehow agreed to train for a half marathon in March. That's kind of crazy, considering. But I'm looking forward to the challenge, to be honest. I kind of want to see how much of it I can run. I'll keep you posted on how the training goes.

weekly weigh-in

2009-10-19T11:50:12Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 153.6
Current Weight: 151.8
Loss for the week: -1.8
Total loss so far: 93.2

So after three consecutive days at 150.6, my weight has bounced back up to 151.8 this morning. I am going to go out on a limb and say that it's the amount of sodium I had yesterday, which was kind of a lot. I debated whether to call yesterday's weight the official one for the week, which wouldn't have felt like cheating or anything, but then I decided I would hedge my bets for next week and use the higher weight. Which actually feels more like cheating. Oh, LOL. This dieting psychology is so crazy.

Anyway, the weight has just been sort of falling off me lately, I suppose due to a combination of the amount of running I've been doing and some stuff going on in my personal life. (Good stuff! I think. I hope.) I'm pretty distracted lately, anyway, and that means I don't have to battle myself to keep from eating stuff I shouldn't be, particularly at night. So for however long it lasts, I will take it.

Right now I am going to go run again. It's amazing how much I crave running all of a sudden. Do you remember how much I hated it when I started all this? I certainly do.

weekly weigh-in

2009-10-12T12:41:59Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 155.4
Current Weight: 153.6
Loss for the week: -1.8
Total loss so far: 91.4

Okay, so I am still in the throes of my period, but for whatever reason I decided I would weigh myself this morning anyway, just for kicks. And what do you know, I am down nearly two pounds from last Monday.

That's kind of crazy, especially considering the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend. I have been running a lot more than usual lately, which is maybe part of it, and I haven't had much of an appetite lately, though I've been forcing myself to eat at least 1200 calories a day. I'm sure my appetite will come back eventually. It's just nerves making things weird.

Anyway, I don't know if my body is just finally catching up with all the muscle I've been building or what, but it's nice to have dropped a decent amount of weight right in the middle of my period. The number should go down a little more after my period's over, but even if it doesn't, I'm pretty happy to be so much closer to 150.

Oh, hey, you know what I just realized? This morning's weight officially pushes me from the 'obese' BMI category into 'overweight'. That's pretty exciting.

weekly weigh-in

2009-10-05T11:48:31Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 156
Current Weight: 155.4
Loss for the week: -.6
Total loss so far: 89.6

Another half pound down. It's just inching along these days, though in the right direction, at least. Granted, I could have done much better diet-wise. Every week I remind myself that if I could just get my diet back under control, the loss might pick up a little. Then every week I think of excuses to eat carbs anyway. It's a process.

Where I am doing pretty well is with my fitness. Yesterday I ran a mile in ten minutes, which is a major improvement for me. For the second and third miles I had to go down to a 12 minute pace, but I'm okay with that. Also my doctor gave me some rehab exercises to do for my knee, and I can't say yet whether or not they're making a difference, but I'm being really diligent about them. If there's no improvement in a month I have to go back to explore more options, but who knows, maybe targeting the right muscles in a specific way will buy me more time before I have to see a surgeon.

This morning, even though I am not working until 4:00 this afternoon, I got up at 5:45 so I could try the yoga workout that's on Oxygen from 6-7 every weekday. It's called Inhale, has anybody else ever tried it? I like the instructor a lot, and it's a nice change of pace from the videos I've done a million times already. If you like Hatha yoga and you have Oxygen and a DVR, give it a try. I don't have a DVR, unfortunately, so if I want to do it I have to get up early. But that's good for me, so I think I will make it my regular Monday routine from now on.

Next week: my monthly water retention will have begun, I'd wager. I hope so, anyway. My cycle has been pretty weird lately, which I am chalking up to increased activity until further notice.

weekly weigh-in

2009-09-28T16:13:14Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 156.6
Current Weight: 156
Loss for the week: -.6
Total loss so far: 89

So that's a half pound loss for the week. Not terrible, but I feel I really could have done better with my food. I'm having trouble with hunger at night and I haven't been very good this week about ignoring it. But my period is due to show up at some point next week, which means the next weigh-in is the last good one for a little while, so I am going to try really hard to stick with my plan this week, and hopefully hit the 90 pounds lost mark next Monday.

I'm wearing a pair of size 12 dress pants that are starting to get a little loose, so something's definitely changing even though the number is creeping down very slowly.

(return of the) weekly weigh-in

2009-09-21T15:22:55Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 158.6
Current Weight: 156.6
Loss for the week: -2
Total loss so far: 88.4

I think my last weigh-in was technically almost a month ago, but still, I'll take the two pounds. Things are going in the right direction, which is all that matters to me at this point.

Additionally, I am rocking a size 10 skirt today, which I picked up yesterday and it is actually a wee bit big in the waist already. My pants size is still a 12, of course, and really size doesn't even matter, but that little '10' on the tag does wonders for my self-esteem.

Here's something else: I am not one to initiate making plans with other people. It's a self-esteem thing; I always assumed that people didn't really want to hang out with me, and that when they did invite me to do things they were just being nice. Pity plans, if you will. So I figured, for a long time, that if I asked anyone to do anything that they wouldn't want to, and I'd be bothering them. Or worse, I would get rejected. Can't have that! So I stopped socializing, basically. Stopped dating and pretty much interacting with the human race as much as possible.

For awhile that worked out okay, mostly because I didn't have any energy anyway, so I didn't want to do anything after work. But in the past several months that's just not cutting it anymore. I can barely stand to sit still and watch a movie anymore. I am fidgety and I'm constantly getting up to do something else. I used to think there was something wrong with people like that, but now I realize it's just because they have so much energy.

It's crazy, having all this energy. On Saturday I spent the afternoon shopping with my sister, and I didn't even want to die after the first store. In fact, I kind of love shopping now. (Sadly, this new-found energy has not helped my bank account at all, which impedes my shopping joy.)

So anyway, on Sunday I had a bunch more errands to run, so after I worked out I went shopping again. (I bought a winter coat. Size 10 petite! It looks so nice on me, too. Such a shame it won't be cold enough to wear it for months yet.) Then I went grocery shopping, cleaned my whole house, cooked all my food for the week, and did some yoga.

There was a time when I would have had to go lie on the couch and flip aimlessly through the channels all afternoon just from going to the grocery store. That is a serious improvement in my quality of life, I have to say.

Also, this morning I made plans with a friend for Wednesday evening. That I initiated. That's a really big deal for me. I mean, it's just the movies with a friend, and really it's a make-up date because I canceled on her last week, but still. The fact that I asked someone to do something social is a pretty big deal. Which is kind of silly, right? I know! But what's sillier is that it's taken me this long to realize my own worth as a human being.

As for the dating thing...well, I'm working on that. I'll keep you posted.

weekly weigh-in. except not.

2009-09-14T14:19:48Z

I forgot to post last week. I wasn't avoiding or anything, I just plum forgot. Then I kept remembering and forgetting again until half the week was gone and it just seemed kind of pointless. Anyway, last week's weigh-in was exactly the same as the previous week's (158.6), but my period arrived a few days early on Tuesday of last week, so that might explain part of that. The fact that I have been mainlining carbs like they're going out of style might have something to do with it as well. And I am still retaining water today, so I have no new weight to report. Well, I did get on the scale and it said 159.8, but that should be water weight. Here's hoping, anyway.

So in lieu of a weigh-in post, I will finally get around to posting some thoughts on body image and why I'm always so hard on myself.

A week ago we celebrated my niece's and nephew's second and fourth birthdays, respectively. There were pictures, needless to say. Some of them were of me. I will post two of them here, though I am loathe to do so, because I'm going to talk about them and how I feel when I look at them.

When my sister and my mom saw them they went on about how great I look, how far I've come, etc. etc., and objectively I know that's true. I mean, I can look at these pictures and see the clear difference in me now as opposed to me three years ago, or even one year ago. It's a big difference, absolutely. Yet, when I look at these pictures all I can see is my problem areas. I see a round belly, I see that little puffy roll of fat right at the top of my abdomen that looks like some kind of weird alien tumor. I see the fat above my elbows and my still-enormous biceps. I see my thunder thighs and the saddlebags I didn't used to have, but am developing as I lose the fat around them.

So I can see the enormous progress I've made, sure. But I can't really celebrate it when what I see even more is how far I still have to go. What you can't see in these pictures, of course, is the way my skin is deflating. Emptying out of fat, but keeping the fat cells so that my skin gets baggy and weirdly shaped under my clothes. I expected that and was prepared for it, if one can really prepare oneself for that sort of thing, but it's still kind of depressing. It's easy enough to hide with the right clothes and supportive undergarments, sure, but standing naked in front of a mirror is still a pretty major reality check.

I love my shoulders now. I never thought one way or the other about my shoulders when I was morbidly obese, but now I look in the mirror and I see bones I didn't know I had. I see collar bones and toned, nicely sculpted shoulders starting to emerge from all the weight training and yoga I'm doing. It's a part of me that I can enjoy. I like the feel of the muscles lurking under my problem areas, the way they flex and harden when I move in a certain way. But it's hard to keep my mind on the things I do like when what I still hate is so much...well, bigger.

My sister and mother have used the term 'body dysmorphia', which I suppose has some validity. Certainly it is not as severe as described on the Mayo Clinic site, but I know that a lot of people suffer from it as they lose weight. Your brain just doesn't catch up to your body that quickly, so for a long time you look in the mirror and continue to see the same fat person you've always seen, whereas everyone around you is seeing a completely new person.

Lots of people at work have commented on how I can't have much more weight to lose. When I say I've still got 40 pounds or so to go, they call me crazy. This is another common phenomenon, of course, where the people around you start to worry you're 'wasting away' or 'becoming anorexic', just because they're so used to seeing you at a much higher weight. People fear change, even when it's not their own change. Strange but true. So my weight loss makes some of my coworkers uncomfortable, even though they'd never be able to articulate why, or even admit it, probably.

But I just can't look at those pictures, at the fat on my arms that is clearly visible in ALL of my summer tops, at the huge thighs (don't get me started on my butt) and my tummy problems and understand how people can think that I don't still have a long way to go.

I don't think I am being unrealistic here. Negative, sure. I should be able to celebrate my accomplishments more, and there are many times that I do. Just this weekend, at the height of my water retention, I took myself shopping for new work shirts. I didn't try on a single top that was bigger than a size small, and I came home with five new blouses that cinch my waist and really accentuate my curves. I look pretty great in all of them, and I know that. I know that it's amazing that I'm buying smalls now, whereas I used to wear a 1X on top. Yesterday I pulled on and buttoned (and zipped) a pair of 10 petite jeans. I wouldn't wear them yet, but I can get them on, and that's the first time in my life I've been in a 10. So yes, I have done a lot of hard work and it's all paying off. I wouldn't go back to my old size or the way I used to feel for any money in the world.

I'm lighter, smaller, stronger, more outgoing, more confident, more attractive for sure. But I've been at this a really long time, and I'm frustrated at how far I still have to go. I just am. I know I could be better about my food intake. I haven't been perfect by any means, I've taken 'breaks' from healthy eating and I've blown off workouts and I still have the occasional beer or glass of wine. I struggle with the carbs equation all the time, and I lose the struggle more often than I want to admit. So I could do better, and I try not to be too hard on myself about it, but it's tough when I look at those pictures up there and know that the only person I'm holding back is me.

I'm not really saying any of this the way I want to, but these thoughts have been rattling around in my brain for a week now, so maybe if I get them out of my head I can refocus my mental energy on moving forward and not on how far I still have to go. Here's hoping.

weekly weigh-in

2009-08-31T21:06:54Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 159
Current Weight: 158.6
Loss for the week: -.4
Total loss so far: 86.4

I have been forgetting to post all day, so I will take a minute to do that now. As you can see, there's not much to be excited about. I think I've reached the point in my weight loss where I'm going to have to get used to seeing half pound losses for the week. Depressing! But regardless of the fact that my weight has hardly budged since June, people are commenting constantly at the differences in me, so I am taking some comfort in that.

Funny how weight loss is such a public process. I mean, it's such a habit now that I don't even talk about it here anymore; I just go through the paces and assume stories about my workouts and my clothes fitting differently or whatever are as boring to everyone else as they are to me.

But even though I put it out there for discussion here, I don't do the same in my everyday life. Turns out it doesn't matter, though, because people talk about it anyway. It's like your body becomes community property, in a way. Certainly it's impossible not to notice if someone you know loses a lot of weight, and there's nothing wrong with asking about the process or offering a compliment now and then. My coworkers have no boundaries, though. It gets to be a little much sometimes.

On the other side of that coin, of course, is positive attention from strangers. If you've ever been heavy you know how you tend to be invisible to people. Since I'm wearing an average size and dressing myself better, however, I notice that people are seeing me more. Businessmen open doors and smile at me. Strangers make eye contact at work more often (which is not always a good thing, but you take the good with the bad). Store clerks are more likely to offer me help rather than pretending they can't see me. It's strange. Good, but something to get used to after all these years.

weekly weigh-in

2009-08-24T15:55:21Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 159.6
Current Weight: 159
Loss for the week: -.6
Total loss so far: 86

So I meant to post last week about the fact that I tore a muscle in my back and it was interfering with my workouts (and everything else in my life -- we really use our back muscles for everything!), but typing was a challenge and I had all that work to do on becoming the Martha Stewart of pity parties, so I never got around to it.

My period was five days late, to be TMI (as usual), but that's over now and the numbers on the scale are once again starting to inch down, so I'm hoping that now that my back's feeling better and I can work out at full capacity (more or less) again, it'll keep heading that way.

Today's weight is a new low (by all of two ounces), so that's a good sign. It's not as much as I hope to see post-period, but my diet hasn't been the best lately and the workouts were pretty pathetic, so I could hardly expect better. I'm just glad it hasn't gone up, really. Hopefully next week I will be on my way to the middle of the 150s.

weekly weigh-in

2009-08-10T15:33:58Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 161.2
Current Weight: 159.6
Loss for the week: -1.6
Total loss so far: 85.4

Today marks four days in a row under 160, with the low being yesterday's weight of 159.2. So I guess I can call myself officially under 160 for good. At least I hope so.

The slight upward trend today surprised me; I expected it to be up much more than that, since my period was supposed to start yesterday and that usually means at least two pounds of water retention. I am hopeful that it'll start today, because I'd really just like it to be over with, frankly, and being late two months in a row is annoying. And if it starts today and I'm only retaining a little water that hopefully will mean good things for a post-cycle weight loss. Time will tell.

Anyway, I finally broke my plateau by upping my calories. In the past when I've tried that I've always gained, so I was really afraid to do it, but my clothes were so much looser from all the working out that I figured it was the only way. And it worked for once, which is exciting. Now I just have to find the balance between 'enough calories' and 'too many', because that can be a pretty slippery slope.

weekly weigh-in

2009-08-03T13:37:37Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 160.2
Current Weight: 161.2
Loss for the week: +1
Total loss so far: 83.8

All week long my weight has been going back and forth between last week's weight and this week's. Never any lower, though I did get up to 161.4 one day, I think. I'm back on plan and working out as hard as ever, but nothing's happening. I wish I had better news to report, I really do. My sister is intensifying our workouts in an effort to get us both moving again, so I guess we'll just have to wait and see if that works out. Next week I will be retaining water again, however, so. I'm pretty discouraged right now, though that probably goes without saying.

return of the weekly weigh-in

2009-07-27T13:57:58Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 159.4
Current Weight: 160.2
Loss for the week: +.8
Total loss so far: 84.8

The plan for my two weeks of vacation was to stick to my diet as much as possible, maybe with the addition of more beer than I'd normally drink, and exercise at least semi-regularly. That plan went off the rails on day...two? I did pretty well on day one, but only because I was in my car the entire time and I didn't stop except to fill up the tank and buy more water.

I really dodged a bullet with my vacation, because I ate a lot of food I normally wouldn't (fries! Twice!!) and I didn't work out at all, really, but I came back only 3 pounds heavier than my last weigh-in.

Of course I've been back almost a week, gotten more or less back on track, and I'm still up nearly a pound and fighting my way back under 160 again. Me and 160. We are at war. Still, I deserved to gain a lot more than three pounds (most of which seemed to have been water retention anyway), so I'm counting myself lucky and getting on with it. Seriously, y'all. I drank a LOT of beer while I was gone.

quick update about the weight loss challenge

2009-07-07T14:43:22Z

I went to my final weigh-in for the work weight loss challenge this morning. The girl in charge left the scale in her car between weigh-ins, so I had to make her go get it. I felt bad about that, but my period will arrive any day now so I have a very small window for water retention to work with here, you know?

Anyway, the good news is that I am down 11 pounds since the start of the challenge on May 13th, according to their scale. I knew it was about 10, but when I think about the fact that it hasn't been quite two months, that's pretty good (for me). So even though I haven't lost much in the past month, I still did really well. I lost 6% of my body weight, anyway, and while I doubt I'll win, it's nice to put in a respectable showing.

I'm still at 159.4 today, so at least I'm holding below 160. No doubt I will start inching back up soon enough, and then there's that whole 'vacation weight' hurdle to cope with, but I'm going to try to keep it under control. If I don't land myself back above 160 I will count my vacation as a major victory, but I'm pretty close to the border still, so we'll see.

While I'm here, something else I think I neglected to mention. My goal weight has been 120 all along, which one of my (nosy) coworkers insists is 'much too low'. She swears I can't lose another 40 pounds, which is actually a common reaction to major weight loss from casual observers. We've argued about my goal weight on more than one occasion, which is ridiculous, but whatever.

Anyway, the last time I saw my doctor she was really pleased with my progress, but she wants to see me at 115. 115! Sure, at my height that is still a very healthy weight, but man, that's another 5 pounds. With all the muscle I'm packing on it might not even be feasible, but it shut up my coworker, at least.

weekly weigh-in

2009-07-06T14:19:16Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 161
Current Weight: 159.4
Loss for the week: -1.6
Total loss so far: 85.6

My weight is kind of all over the place right now, but at least I finally broke the 160 barrier. I don't sound that excited about it, I'm sure, mostly because it continues to bounce around. But I'm about to get my period (again!) and go on vacation, which means two weeks away from the scale (yikes!). I am going to try very hard to stick with my plan and continue to work out while I'm away from my routine, but if I gain some vacation weight I know I can get it off again fairly quickly. At least I hope so. It really is getting a lot harder now that I'm getting smaller.

The best news is that I'm closing in on my size 12s in spite of the lack of real weight loss. Of course water weight gain during my period will put me right back in my 14s while I'm on vacation. Me and my excellent timing.

weekly weigh-in

2009-06-29T13:31:48Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 160.8
Current Weight: 161
Loss for the week: +.2
Total loss so far: 84

Well. I have nothing to say about that. I've been doing everything I can think of and my weight just keeps bouncing around between 160 and 161. I knew I'd pay for that week I lost three pounds, but I didn't think I'd pay for it with nearly a month of no loss at all. I wouldn't mind so much if I was able to fit into any of my size 12s, but that's not happening either.

Oh, well. Nothing to do but keep on keeping on. I will keep you posted on any new developments.

weekly weigh-in

2009-06-22T14:02:43Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 161.6
Current Weight: 160.8
Loss for the week: -.8
Total loss so far: 84.2

Well, I'm a little disappointed, I have to say. That's less than a pound loss in a two-week timeframe. Granted, I had my period all last week, which is why there was no weigh-in last week, but I was hoping for a bigger post-period loss. I realize things will slow down even more as I get closer to goal, but I feel like I still have a really long way to go. I mean, I'm still wearing a size 14.

I was going to post last week in lieu of a weigh-in post about my shopping trip to Goodwill for size 12 jeans, and how while I can't wear them yet, I can get them on and zip them. But I still can't wear them even now that I'm not retaining water, and I'm worried that I won't be able to by the time I leave for vacation in just over two weeks. Not the end of the world, granted, but I don't have much to wear in my current size and I'd just as soon get a little smaller rather than have to go buy more size 14s (which is not going to happen, even if I have to wear the jeans I have on right now every day for a month).

So that's what's going on with that. Maybe next week will be better. I hope so, because the work weight loss challenge is still going on, and I have to weigh in soon.

weekly weigh-in

2009-06-08T10:45:51Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 164.8
Current Weight: 161.6
Loss for the week: -3.2
Total loss so far: 83.4

You guys. That is a little crazy. I don't think I've ever lost three pounds in a week before. I wish I knew how I did it so I could keep doing it, but the truth is I have no clue. I haven't even been perfect this week with my food. And I backed off on the workouts some because I pulled a deltoid muscle. Which is possibly the key if I was overtraining last week with the double workouts, but still. Crazy. My period is scheduled to start on Thursday, so I thought I might be retaining water already. I'd hoped not, but I didn't expect to see 161 on the scale. Yesterday I weighed 163, so today I was hoping for 162.8! Goodness. I guess I will make my goal of the 150s before my vacation after all.

weekly weigh-in

2009-06-01T14:08:36Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 166.2
Current Weight: 164.8
Loss for the week: 1.4
Total loss so far: 80.2

I really struggled this week. Not with my food or with my workouts; those were both fine. Better than usual, even, but for some reason I just could not manage to lose any weight. I don't know what the story is, and I'm kind of tired of speculating about it, so I will just be grateful I managed to move into the 164 region on the scale and hope I manage to stay there instead of bouncing back up for the rest of the week like I did last week. Time will tell.

Of course, it is almost that time of the month again, so next week I could be retaining water. Sometimes being a girl just really does not pay, I tell you.

picture post!

2009-05-26T17:13:12Z

It's been awhile since I posted progress pictures (about 15 pounds, I think), so here are some new pictures taken yesterday. For comparison's sake I will also repost some old pictures. See how thoughtful I am? (If I was at home I'd make a little side-by-side collage, but we don't have that software at work. Maybe I'll remember to do it later.)

L.A., 2004. My least favorite picture of all time, I think, which is why I keep posting it. I'm at least 245 here, though God knows it could have been higher.

Mexico, October 2006. 218 pounds.

Tennessee, June 2008. 190 pounds.

January 2009, 179 pounds.

And yesterday, 165 pounds. And here's a close-up of my face:

You know who I look like in this picture? My sister. People have been saying for years that the resemblance is really strong, but until I saw this picture I have never, ever seen it. Which is sort of coincidental, considering we were just talking the other day about how I can't see any resemblance between us at all. What do you know, we do look alike after all. That's her up in the Mexico picture with me, but here's a better picture of her for comparison's sake:

(Goodness, my niece has gotten so big in just a few months! Crazy.)

weekly weigh-in

2009-05-25T14:13:24Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 168.6
Current Weight: 166.2
Loss for the week: 2.4
Total loss so far: 79

Okay, so technically those are not last week's numbers, but the week before. Last week I was retaining water so it seems like kind of a cheat to claim I lost four pounds in a week, even though I posted the gain last week. Either way the number that really matters is my current weight. Which was 165.4 yesterday, but I'm being good and posting the upward fluctuation even though there's really no reason for it. Well, okay, I drank a beer. That doesn't really merit a pound fluctuation, but unfortunately, my body is not interested in my opinion on the subject.

I'm also pretty sore today from working out hard the past two days, so I could also be retaining water while my muscles repair themselves. I'm in pretty good shape at this point so it seems unlikely, but it's not often I'm sore through my arms from lifting, and I am this morning, so I guess I really pushed it.

Whatever the reason, it's going down, and that's what I care about. By the end of the month I might even be under 165! Wouldn't that be something. My goal for July was to be in the 150s, and I'm on track to just squeak into the high 150s by then, if I can keep up the five pound a month average I've been pulling lately. I'm also still working on the weight loss challenge for work, so that's incentive to keep on top of my diet and working out as much as possible. I feel good, mostly, so that's incentive too.

weekly weigh-in

2009-05-18T20:35:19Z

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 168.6
Current Weight: 170.2
Loss for the week: +1.6
Total loss so far: 76.4

Big gain! But it's that time of the month (does it seem like I'm always saying that? I feel like I'm always saying that) so it's not a real gain. I have been avoiding sugar for eight days now, though, so I expect a decent loss next week. Here's hoping.

I thought I had something useful to talk about, but of course now I can't remember what it was. It'll come to me in the middle of the night, probably.

weekly weigh-in

2009-05-11T13:55:41Z

I ate a crazy amount of sodium yesterday (movie theater popcorn for lunch), so you get yesterday's weight instead of today's.

Starting Weight: 245
Goal Weight: 120
Last Weigh-in: 170.8
Current Weight: 168.6
Loss for the week: -2.2
Total loss so far: 76.4

Not bad, all things considered. I really cleaned up my act food-wise since last week, and it shows. I did fill my prescription yesterday and started taking it again this morning, just for the extra boost during PMS. Okay, and also because there's a weight loss contest at work, and I want to win. I'm such a slow loser that the chances aren't great even if I cheat and use a diet pill, but at least it might even the playing field a little. It's still cheating, probably, but whatever. I've already lost the easiest part of my weight to lose, I should get credit for that.

Of course, that means I have to go weigh in at some point this week. I wish I could go today so I could use my sodium-induced water retention, but I don't think I can make it to HR because I'm working the evening shift. We'll see. The contest runs through July, so that will give me incentive to behave myself until then, and hopefully I'll at least be in the 150s at the end of this thing. It's pretty surreal just being in the 160s. I mean, I look in the mirror and I can't see it, but 160 is my lowest recorded weight (high school), so it's kind of a big deal. I think I got below that during my freshman year of college when my sister and I were compulsively exercising, but I never got on a scale, so I don't know for sure.